Olympia Beer, which no longer has anything to do with Olympia, Washington or the Pacific Northwest, has launched its Capture Bigfoot project, which offers 1 million dollars for the safe return of bigfoot.

The site offers the ability to enter a sighting or a capture report. Don’t forget the rules:

$1 Million Search For Bigfoot

OFFICIAL RULES

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY

HOW IT WORKS:

If an eligible individual believes that he/she has found irrefutable evidence of Bigfoot in accordance with these Official Rules during the Contest Period, he/she must visit the website at www.OlympiaBigfoot.com (the “Website”) during the Contest Period, click on “Submit Capture Report,” complete the registration information required, provide a brief description of the evidence, check that you have read and agree to these Official Rules, and click on “Submit Capture Report.” Sponsor and/or a representative of same will contact all individuals submitting a Capture Report in compliance with these Official Rules within thirty (30) days of submission. Next steps will be determined by the Sponsor and/or a representative of same and/or the Judging Panel depending on the quality and type of evidence presented. Eligible entrants must follow all instructions of Sponsor and/or its representative in their entirety in order to have their evidence considered for the Prize. In the event an eligible entrant does not comply with the instructions of the Sponsor and/or its representative as directed, such eligible entrant will be disqualified.

The evidence required to qualify for a prize claim must be such as to satisfy a panel comprised of three (3) independent experts (the “Judging Panel”) as to the irrefutable existence of Bigfoot at some time during the period beginning January 1, 1989 through March 31, 2014. The Sponsor has the sole right to select the persons that will act as the Judging Panel. The Judging Panel’s decisions are final and binding as to all determinations made in relation to this Contest and the evaluation of all evidence. The Sponsor and/or Judging Panel may ask any person submitting a claim to send his/her samples and/or evidence to an independent third party selected by the Judging Panel and/or Sponsor for evaluation and/or testing. Such evaluation/testing shall be at the sole expense of the individual submitting such evidence, and Sponsor and/or Judging Panel may require any such expense to be paid in advance of such evaluation/testing being conducted. If any person submitting evidence refuses or fails to pay any such expense, their entry will be rejected and disqualified.

For purposes of this Contest, “Bigfoot” refers to a previously undiscovered species of upright, bipedal hominid, native to North America existing contemporaneously with the Contest Period or the twenty-five (25) year period immediately prior to the Contest Period. There is no set type or amount of evidence required to establish proof for purposes of this Contest other than that all evidence presented must satisfy the Judging Panel. Evidence may include, but is not limited to DNA Evidence. DNA Evidence may include hair, blood, tissue or saliva that proves the DNA sequence of the donor shows that said donor resides in the primate evolutionary family tree, among other apes or hominids, but does not have the same genetic markers and DNA sequence as any known species. Evidence may also include “Visual Proof” of a live physical body. Physical remains may be considered as evidence provided that it can be conclusively demonstrated that the date of death pre-dated the Contest Period. Visual Proof shall not include footprints, bone fragments, inconclusive skeletal remains, or any other non-definitive evidence of the existence of Bigfoot. Any photo or video taken with photographic or video equipment is not sufficient to qualify as evidence in and of itself for consideration in the Contest, but may be considered as supporting evidence.

NO HARM SHOULD BE DONE TO BIGFOOT OR ANY LIVING CREATURE AS A RESULT OF PARTICIPATION IN THIS CONTEST. ANY EVIDENCE OF SUCH ACTIVITY SHALL LEAD TO DISQUALIFICATION FROM THE CONTEST AND NOTIFICATION TO THE PROPER LEGAL AUTHORITIES.

The site does promote the The Falcon Project, which claims to be ‘The most penetrating search for Sasquatch/North American Ape ever conducted in North America.’

Olympia Beer hasn’t been made anywhere near Olympia Washington for almost 10 years, but MillerCoors/Pabst has kept the brand alive, profiting from the label. Olympia Beer is now manufactured by MillerCoors at a plant in Irwindale, California.

As an Olympia resident, friend of bigfoot, and once consumer of many Oly Stubbies, I find the whole thing a bit insulting. I next expect Portlandia to do a skit on it, taking some sort of credit for something else from Olympia.